Is it right for me to be discontented? Is it wrong for Christians to be happy? Is it wrong to have hope in what the bible says we have? To be reminded and encouraged that although we were sinners, we have been cleansed by the blood. And we rejoice that Jesus took away / removed / obliterated / annihilated / destroyed / eradicated / wiped out / dissipated / blotted out / omitted / forgotten our sins. That is the cause for celebration. That is the cause for rejoicing and praise!
We do not neglect the wonder of salvation. No! It is the platform and the basis of the power that is in store for us. The writer of Hebrews urges the church to move on to solid food. (Hebrews 5:12-14)
Hebrews 6:1,2
...let us go on to perfection, not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, of the doctrine of baptisms, of laying on of hands, of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment.
Look what is included in the "milk for babes".
- repentance
- faith toward God
- baptisms
- laying of hands
- resurrection of dead
- eternal judgment
The question is... Have we been getting the "full cream milk"? Hebrews 5:13 (AMP) says "For everyone who continues to feed on milk is obviously inexperienced and unskilled in the doctrine of righteousness (of conformity to the divine will in purpose, thought, and action), for he is a mere infant [not able to talk yet]!"
1 Peter 2:1-2 includes the "laying aside" of "all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking"
What is the doctrine of righteousness?
We are made righteous through faith (Romans 3:21-26)
Our Righteousness through Christ overcomes sin (Romans 5:12-21)
As simple as confessing the Lord Jesus and believing in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. By believing in the heart, we are made righteousness. (Romans 10:9,10)
Who needs solid food then? Hebrews 5:14 (AMP) says that they are for "full-grown men, for those whose senses and mental faculties are trained by practice to discriminate and distinguish between what is morally good and noble and what is evil and contrary either to divine or human law."
Another translation for full grown men is mature or perfect. It seems like quite a high requirement doesn't it? Who can claim to be perfect?
Thank God that even the apostle Paul didn't think he was perfect. In Philippians 3:12-16, Paul said, "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
Paul didn't claim to have attained perfection! He said he had not apprehended (obtained, understood, comprehended). But still he strove on. Paul continues to say, "Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind."
The Hebrew word mature or full grown is the same as the one used in hebrews 5:14. Being mature is about knowing what we have already and then digging deeper to find out more about God. Philippians 4:16 gives me the impression that maturity is not something that we can attain. But its a state that we must be in. The state of always seeking to learn more and hungering for more of the things of God.
Who's hungry?
If some Christians who have been complaining of their ministers had said and acted less before men and had applied themselves with all their might to cry to God for their ministers -- had, as it were, risen and stormed heaven with their humble, fervant, and incessant prayers for them -- they would have been much more in the way of success.
| Jonathan Edwards |
So be it.
Prayer meeting was good. I love how willing the Holy Spirit is. I love that He would come simply when we ask. I love it that He stays and people can just enter into His presence. I love it when I see people recognising the difference when He's around. Power for ministry comes by the Holy Spirit. Maybe thats whats lacking? Maybe? Prayer works. But it can be limited by man. I need to learn more about the Holy Spirit so that I can teach in the future. Its such an integral part of the Christian walk that it isn't funny how little the church delves into Him. We need Him and more of Him.
Behold, I send the Promise of My Father upon you; but tarry in the city of Jerusalem until you are endued with power from on high.
| Luke 24:49 |
When the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.... And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.
| Acts 2:1,4 |
Would there be a need to tarry or wait for this power if it wasn't important? Was it a coincidence that it was only AFTER this infilling of the Holy Spirit that they were anointed to preach and teach with signs and miracles? Would I dare be so bold as to say the church can only grow if the Holy Spirit is present? Would I be so audacious to say that a church WITHOUT the Holy Spirit CANNOT grow? Or that its growth would be stunted?
Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is to you and to your children, and to all who are afar off, as many as the Lord our God will call."
And with many other words he testified and exhorted them, saying, "Be saved from this perverse generation." Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them. And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need.
So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.
| Acts 2:38-47 |
Note that it was because of the baptism of the Holy Spirit that came first and foremost. Verses 42-45 about doctrine, fellowship, breaking of bread, prayer came as a result of being baptised and filled with the Holy Spirit. Then they were praising God and having favor with the people. People want to meet and fellowship because the Holy Spirit is there too. It all stems from the beginning. Being baptised in the name of Jesus Christ for salvation AND receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Now ask me why the Lord isn't adding to our church daily those who were being saved.
The idea is to be so familiar with scripture that you're able to quote it off the top of your head. I think I'm getting there. For now, I only remember several lines of scripture. What I do remember though is key areas or chapters in the bible. Romans 8,12 for Living by the spirit, John 14-16 about Jesus and the promise of the Holy Spirit, Acts 1, 10, 19 is about the baptism of the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. Hebrews 11 is about faith, Ephesians 1 and 3 is about praying for Christians to develop in their spiritual growth. But there's so much more to be uncovered and revealed! The crawling stage of school, the 1st term is over, its time to take baby steps. I want more.
How come there are restrictions? How come there's a ceiling? How come they don't see the Word? How come?
Its time to dig in deep. Deep.
My take on Psalm 42
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I long for you my dear God. I yearn for more of You.
To be able to stand in your presence
in the midst of like-minded people
To be able to rejoice with reckless abandon
How long more must I wait?
I am accompanied by disappointment
They don't see You, You don't matter to them
What happened to those joyous days
Where we would dance and sing
and simply linger in your presence?
Such a let-down, have we fallen so far?
My happiness was in You
To have a taste of heaven
and they took You away
But my memories drive me closer towards You.
I am almost overrun by difficulty
I can hardly have a glimpse of victory
But I know, His love surrounds me by day
and a sweet song by night
which I sing back to Him
Have You forgotten me?
My heart is bruised and hurt
because they don't see You, You don't matter
Why do I despair?
Don't I have every reason to?
Although I am cast aside
My joy is complete in You
and I give You praise where it is due
You put a smile on my face
And a glow of hope in my heart
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I woke up today feeling pretty lousy. My body was aching from the drumming during AWE worship. (I'll get to that in a moment) My head was aching from all the thoughts rushing through my head the night before. I seriously didn't feel like going to church. I went to the computer to try to install the new hard disk that I'd gotten but I couldn't get it to work. At that moment, I really felt very useless. I was telling myself that I had to get ready for church or I would be late. It was 10:45am and I was still contemplating. I finally convinced myself that I should go for service. As I was walking back to my room to prepare, I told myself, "this isn't the way I should be behaving!!"
Thats when I started to pray in tongues and began to thank God and praise God for how good He is. Luckily there was no one at home because they would have be scared by my shouting, "Hallelujah" and "Praise God". And thats when I started to feel better! Praise God that when I stepped out of the elevator to the lobby, there was a cab waiting for me.
"I don't ask my body how it's feeling; I tell it how to feel"
| Smith Wigglesworth |
Oh the audacity of Mr Wigglesworth! Well... its according to the bible so you've got to credit his boldness. You can't blame Mr Wigglesworth for being like that! You've got to blame the author of the bible. I wouldn't want to mess with God. =)
So anyway.. we had the All Worship Event (AWE) yesterday at Toa Payoh Methodist Church. The whole thing was fantastic. This is my first time playing for so many (500) people. It started off pretty unpolished. But after the testimony, things really began to flow. I loved the way my snare rang out when I worshipped. I've never played so happily before. And to see the youths on their knees in awe of my God, it made me want to worship even louder! I really enjoyed myself and I pray that this will be the start of something great within the methodist church.
Ok... I admit, the last post was pretty hard to read. But the idea is that you read the verses in the links provided. But even then its pretty hard to read without any commentary. Basically I was trying to prove that the inheritance that the apostle Peter was referring to was something that we have access to now.
So anyway... Today I learnt from Mark 4:13-32
From this passage, we see that the seed is the Word of God and the soil refers to the hearts of man. There are a few things we need to know about seeds.
1. Seeds don't look like their potential
2. Seeds are powerless until planted.
3. Seeds take time to grow.
There is tremendous potential in a seed. You can't number the potential fruits a seed will bear. The same goes for the Word of God. It holds infinite possibilities and incredible power. The things we do (prayer, bible study, serving in church) are just tools that we use to facilitate ideal conditions for the seed to grow.
How do we plant the seed?
If we look at the scripture in Mark 4, we see that the Word is sown by hearing. The difference is that in verse 20, the good ground, the ready hearts accepted it. The key is to hear and accept it UNTIL IT REGISTERS IN MY SPIRIT.
There is a seed for every need. The bible covers every need. But the Word of God is powerless until it is planted in our hearts. Faith to believe comes when the Word is planted in our hearts.
When you speak and pray the truth, the Holy Spirit agrees with you and power flows. The idea is to plant the seed, and return to it, watering it. When we understand that the seed planted in good soil is guarantee of results, we become assured. Voila, faith is produced. Faith produces faith.
Our inheritence
this is 1 peter 1:3-5 in 5 different bible versions.
other 3 use the word "reserved". What I learnt is that it is reserved for us but
we have access to the inheritence NOW. I will elaborate more later.
ready to be revealed in the last time" (NKJV)
the verse starts of with who are kept. this shows that the verse is referring to
people, us, kept by the power of God through faith for salvation.
the salvation of our souls / minds!
God
Refers to the salvation of our souls
"obtained". Through Christ we have this inheritence already. Jesus died so that
we receive the inheritence.
need to go through the various trials that test our faith.
I've been playing for the worship sessions in Rhema almost from the get go. I'm not complaining. I'm more than grateful for the opportunities to serve. The question is how do I take this service to the next level? This can't be it.
I thank God for the opportunity to play for the CAC All Worship Event. Gerald was supposed to play for it but he broke his finger. Poor guy. I'll also be playing for an upcoming rally with some chinese artiste. Steven Goh approached me a couple of weeks ago to help him out. Hopefully I don't embarrass myself.
I just got thrown into the deep end of the pool yesterday. I accompanied my sister to go register for driving lessons. My intention was just to book a date for the basic theory test but it seems the whole system has been changed and now they allow you to take driving lessons even BEFORE you've taken the basic theory test. So to make a painful story short, I transferred $1000.00+ into the account they created for me. Mummy described me as being in shock after that. She did offer to pay for the whole thing, bless her heart, but I declined. I guess this puts me on the fast lane to exercise my faith. I will never be in lack. I mean, God covered the cost of this time of training even when I wasn't asking for it! How great is God?!?
You'll let me know when I'm ready
On 6 August 2006, we were having prayer in the choir room before service.
"..For the mentality change in the leaders. And a change within all of us. So that we may be sent forth. So that the church can move in the right direction..."
I read this a couple of weeks later...
"One of the greatest needs of the church today is that God's people renew their minds with the Word of God. Just because a person is a Christian, and even filled with the Holy Spirit, doesn't mean that he has a renewed mind. The mind becomes renewed with the Word of God."
| Kenneth Hagin - Man On Three Dimensions |
I never had a scripture which spoke out to me so strongly before. Well, maybe Romans 12:1-2 about sacrifice and true worship. Like how a membership card always comes with a booklet stating the benefits? Imagine that booklet summed up in one simple scripture. Imagine the weight of the words declaring the truth to unlock and unleash the power, anointing, and promises of God. This would be it. This verse includes us into God's chosen people! This verse is the stamp of confidence that we have!
So you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have been made like him. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female. For you are all Christians--you are one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and now all the promises God gave to him belong to you.
| Galatians 3:26-29 (New Living Translation) |
My first day of school. Expectations change today. Both people's impression of me and my expectations of myself. I'm no good at crowds and being in unfamiliar situations. I find it hard to strike up conversation. Maybe because I'm afraid of sounding stupid. But thats just pride isn't it? Burn that!
Reverend Joseph and Reverend Stanley took some time to warm up today. But boy did they speak with power & boldness once they got there. The anointing was on them but I dare say that it isn't turned up all the way yet. My classmates & some of the seniors couldn't sit still after lessons because of their excitement. Why am I not jumping up and down in excitement? Why am I having such muted feelings in school? Could it be that I'm too serious about this place? I am having fun, don't get me wrong. I just feel that there's so much more!!! Maybe because I'm familiar with these topics. But dear God, don't ever let me become complacent. I want more of You!!
I smile to myself when I think of how simple it was to fall into my 'zone' of serving in worship. I volunteered to play the cajons for the worship session. Reverend Cynthia was so eager to try it out. I initially brought the church's cajon home to practice and experiment. Now I get to practice in a real worship setting. I tend to worry that I'm not as good as others. But if God calls you, whats there to worry about?
I'm reminded of sunday service yesterday. It was the last service in the sanctuary before the renovation. I'm not trying to imply anything or undermine anyone but was I the only one who sensed a difference? Coincidence? Most unlikely. Progress and growth comes from the Word. Knowing it and applying it. There were no stunts, no tricks, no fanfare. Just the distinct presence of God in that sanctuary. Flow comes from focusing on God, not by focusing on the flow. Revival comes from focusing on God, not by focusing on revival. The idea is to create a platform for the Holy Spirit to do His thing. Not to try to manipulate people or emotions. You can experience God through feelings and emotions but don't rely on them. God is always with us, the Holy Spirit always in us and Jesus always for us.
Some things I learnt from Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield of the Mind" and Watchman Nee's "Release of the Spirit".
Ms. Meyer starts of her book with a verse from Proverbs which I find really moving, both spiritually and philosophically.
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. (Proverbs 23:7)
Another verse from Romans puts it in more detail.
Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. (Romans 8:5)
If anyone struggles with their thoughts like I do, you'll understand how much this verse stood out for me. So often in our Christian walk, we are led by what we think is right. Or what we think is God's plan for us. Suffice to say, its our thoughts guiding our actions. But Romans 8:5 says those who live according to the Spirit will have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.
So our actions affect our mentality?
Yes! Our mind has been "trained" by our actions since we were born. When we received salvation, our spirit was awakened, reborn, stirred up, re-kindled etc. (You get the point) But our physical and mental facilities remained the same. Therein lies the problem of ALL Christians.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
I think many are familiar with this verse. I once believed that when paul said "do not conform" he meant that we were to rebel against the world. But I learnt that I was wrong. The opposite of conformity is not rebellion. When we rebel, we are still doing things in the flesh and by doing things in the flesh, we might be successful for awhile, but it will drain us. We're still doing battle on the world's playing field. I missed out the key point of the verse. You can almost hear Paul's plea. Be transformed! Be transformed by the power of the Spirit of God as He gives revelation. Be transformed by being in fellowship with God. Be transformed by being empowered and taking authority back from the devil. So that we claim back our dominion over things that are rightfully ours.
Our battlefield may take place in the mind but this is spiritual warfare. I remember in when was going through SISPEC in army, everytime we were getting ready to charge at the imaginary enemy, I would hold my rifle tight and mutter to myself, "Locked and Loaded!!" And it occured to me that its the same in the spiritual realm. We have to be locked in the Word of God and loaded with prayer and praise. Prayer is one of the best weapons.
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)
Bringing every thought into obedience. The weapons lay at your feet. The question is, would you take up arms and fight?
Its been a week of mixed emotions. It would have been great if I had not marred it with some stupid actions on Monday. Thats the story of my life so far hasn't it? But no more!!! I trust God that He will make something good out of my foolishness. He always does.
Rhema has been fantastic! I've been waiting for this opportunity for years. And I only remembered the excitement of being there after Lynette led worship. Woof... Imagine the fact that the year one's haven't even gotten into the flow of things. I was talking to Gloria on MSN a couple of days ago, telling her that I wanted to be the best student. I want to live up to that expectation that God has of me. These ARE exciting times!
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Such stillness tonight
The breeze skipping across treetops
The shadows cast:
bold, intense
Influenced and swayed by the moonlight
Waving over the ripples in the surface
The sound of seeking the least resistance
Searching for the easy escape
These are sounds I recognise
They're familiar like a friend,
a lover I knew
Swayed by constant thought
Yet fearing the cold cruel cares of confrontation
Flee, coward, flee
As if you could outrun the midnight moon
Oh, as if...
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Blogging is a strange thing. Its either there's nothing to write about or so many things that you don't know what to write about. I think part of the reason is because I'm learning so many things from different books that all I have a fragments from each. But its so exciting to piece together the lessons you take from each book and see that they're all interconnected. Proof that we all serve the same God.
So anyway, today was rather productive. Met up with Lynette at Bras Basah where I went to apply for a job at Tecman. Its interesting how they told me to fill up an application form, which I did. After I submitted the form, they told me to wait. And I waited for 15 minutes before the lady who was supposed to interview me simply came up to say that they would call me if I was shortlisted. I wanted to apply at Swee Lee Music Company as well but they told me that I had to send a resume through email.
Had dinner with Oon and Lynette, and Auntie Ruth at Swensen's. I decided to give her a treat because she was sponsering my school fees at Rhema. She's such a sweet lady! Dinner was filled with passionate discussions about church and other spiritual things. Auntie Ruth encouraged me with her wise and kind words. Its amazing how much belief she has in me. Its time for me to believe that I can do the things God has planned for me as well.
I went to Plaza Singapura yesterday for a personal retreat and prayer. Its so true that when you seek Him, you will find Him. I just need to dig deeper to find out His will and direction but results have been encouraging so far.
Fact:
"We shouldn't be troubled in the flesh. Was Jesus troubled in the flesh? Didn't He go forth with perfect victory? ......Even your eyes have to be sanctified by the power of God so that they strike fire everytime you look at a sinner, and the sinner will be changed."
| Smith Wigglesworth |
Imagine that... Being anointed with such power and carrying the aura of the Holy Spirit with you everywhere you go. Gives me something to aim for. Brokenness... It is such a Godly aspect but too often we're waiting to be broken before we are ready to be used by God. Why must we be forced into a place of wretchedness & hopelessness before we are willing to surrender ourselves wholeheartedly?
"A broken spirit and a contrite heart/ He will not despise"
That is all God wants. Not a broken heart or a broken body. Although He can use us despite these problems, it doesn't give God a chance to use us at our best. He needs this so that there's no pride or selfish ambition in the way. We all know what stumbling blocks those can be. So the key here is willing, selfless surrender.
"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation."
| Psalm 91:14-16 |
This is what is promised when we abide in Christ. What Jesus did every morning was to spend time with God and wait till God poured out His Spirit on Him. (Mark 1:35-37)
Where the Holy Spirit is, revelation is promised, freedom is promised. (2 Corinthians 3:14-18) Only when we are filled with the Holy Spirit, will we reflect the Glory of God.
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Conversations in secret
away from you
make them whisper
make them cry out your name
You make the moon shiver
drawing with your finger
a canvas of water
your inspiration a mystery
The coloured glow
the dirty dawn
dictates my moods
decides my paths
leads me on
lets me go
Finding flawed reasoning
Deceived, misled and sadly wrong
Selfish ambitions
shallow dreams
the resolutions of yesterday
made null and vacant
lusciousness in abundance
amaze me, my fantasy
here a struggle emerges
countless battles taking place
Here in your radiance
the ever dancing lights
always changing
the Rhythm cries
basking in false memories
never happened, emotions lie
fight on, fight on
promise me my victory
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Been spending quite a lot of time with Matt and the guys. Which is a good thing... But I don't like what I'm letting myself fall back into. Something is wrong and I intend to make it right. Was this one of the reasons why I distanced myself in the first place? To flee temptation?
Die, flesh, DIE!!!
How can someone get into the divine order when he is torn between these two things: God and the world? You will NEVER reach God's promises if you're hanging on to the things of the earth. Romans 8:7-8 says that the sinful nature cannot please God.
I want to please God
Baybeats 2006
It was fantastic to see the new bands, the new sounds, the new crowd. There's always a sense of nostralgia when you see all the people you used to know. I was thinking to myself, this used to be MY scene and MY crowd. But now not anymore. But thats ok. It was fun while it lasted.
A Vacant Affair
First of all, let me say that the sound coming from the stage was amazing. High energy, deep bass, crystal clear highs. I haven't heard a band sound this good in a long time. But AVA were something different today. Was it the intense soaring vocals? The showmanship of Aaron and Joshua? Or Maha(oops) Rudi with the killer effects? Heck... Even Shen sounded good for once on his gay pink bass. Many have not seen Matthew as passionate as this and were amazed as AVA did what they did best on stage. Rocking out the crowd and having fun at the same time. AVA proved once again that they represent one of Singapore's best in the post-hardcore genre. With the release of their 5-song EP, I think its safe to say that much much more can be expected from Wake Me Up's newest addition.
Excerpt from Our Daily Bread (13 February 2006)
I heard a story about a small church that was having a reunion. A former member who attended the celebration had become a millionaire. When he testified about how God had blessed him over the years, he related an incident from his childhood.
He said that when he earned his first dollar as a boy, he decided to keep it for the rest of his life. But then a guest missionary preached about the urgent need on the mission field. He struggled about giving his dollar. “The Lord won, however,” the man said. Then, with a sense of pride he added, “I put my treasured dollar in the offering basket. And I am convinced that the reason God has blessed me so much is that when I was a little boy I gave Him everything I possessed.” The congregation was awestruck by the testimony—until a little old lady in front piped up, “I dare you to do it again!”
Wow. It seems like yesterday's faith is not enough for today's miracles. What a way to remind you that the Christian walk is a daily affair. It is kind of inconsistent that we expect God to forget our sins and only remember the good deeds or victories in faith we had in the past. Faith must be continuous.
Just some light-hearted humour that I found on the internet. It does ring true in a way though.
Q: How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We choose not to make a statement of either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb however, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.
Jesus turns water into wine (John 2:1-12)
When I read about this miracle, the first of Jesus' ministry, I had always thought that the lesson was given by the host of the party. I always thought that it was about saving the best for last. But the host is hardly the best spiritual role model. So we take a look at Jesus.
It puzzles me that Jesus, in verse 4, would be so unwilling to help. the mother of Jesus, fits the universal mold of a mother. When there surfaces a problem during the wedding, she calls on her son to help. Why did she do so? Was it because she knew He could solve the problem by going to get more wine? Or that He could to try to appease the guests? I'd like to think that she knew her son better than anyone else. Enough to know that He was someone special enough to be able to do something miraculous.
My mom also used to have a knack of volunteering my help to others. Thats why I can really relate to Jesus' reaction.
"Why do you involve me?" (NIV)
"What has this got to do with me?" (NKJV)
"How does that concern us?" (NLT)
It sounds like He's really reluctant to help. Sounds like any indignant, rebellious son doesn't it? But we find out the cause of his annoyance. He wasn't ready to start demonstrating His power.
"My time has not come..."
But we see that mummy dearest instructs the servants to be ready for His instructions. She doesn't force Him into helping but instead waits for Him to agree. Jesus goes on to perform His first miracle transforming water to wine. So here we see that there is a need, a lack of wine. Don't we find that we face that very same problem quite often? That we are always lacking one thing or another? Where there is a need, we remember that we have a God who can handle it.
Isn't it wonderful how we have a God who can take the ordinary and transform it into something incredible? Into something of high quality! The pots containing the water-turned-to-wine were ordinary stone pots. Used for ceremonial washings. He didn't need fantastic, priceless China vases. All he needed were common stone pots. In the same way, God can take people like us to achieve His purpose. All we need is to be filled with the water, the Holy Spirit and something good will pour forth. Something wonderful, something different, something of high quality.
Jesus, sensing a need, a request and an opportunity to provide, displayed His miraculous power and glory. He went ahead with it despite His initial reservations about demonstrating His power so early. Because He knew that this miracle would cause the disciples' faith in Him to increase. So it is with all of His miracles, they always work to build our faith.
| written by daryl |
I think my body is tired. I didn't rest much before and after the soccer match on sunday and I think my body is complaining. Sunday's match was quite an exciting one. We started off quite jittery and conceded a goal quite quickly. I think it was because the team was half Charis and half MPCC. Usually the majority of people are from MPCC with Dennis or myself joining in. So we came to our senses and started to dominate after letting in that goal. I managed to put in the equaliser after a scramble in the box. Its funny how many I score for Charis despite not being a striker.
The 2nd half saw us begin to tire out. We were getting overrun by their midfield and we didn't have melvin or calvin to beef up the center. I felt that my position in the team should not have been central midfield because of my lack of aerial ability. Every ball that Gerald or Joel pumped up was being headed back by their number 21. But there was no choice. We did not have any subs after Ethan left. They started to run riot in our third of the field and one guy even managed to dribble past our 2 center-backs and score. We desperately tried to rally and get our game together after that. Jean Francois missed narrowly and I had another shot that tamely rolled past the outside of the goalpost. Despite our collective efforts to pull back, we ended the game after the my last shot, and arguably the best chance of the half, got deflected wide.
But more importantly, I've been thinking about what Lynette said on Sunday. This was mentioned in Mr Bound's book too. If people can work 8 hours a day in the world, why can't we work 8 hours for God? I've not been as disciplined as I should. Get up off your butt, daryl... Your work is to pray.
There's so much to talk about. So much that occurred within this weekend that I don't know where to begin. I thought that army life should become more relaxed as my ORD date approaches but it seems that isn't the case. Of course there are certain privilege of being one of the ORD personnel but its seems that because the other 3 'specs' (specialists) in my batch are clearing their off-days earlier, I end up having to do the work in the company line.
But enough complaining, let me summarise my weekend. I went back to camp on Friday night after a sumptuous meal with the cell at the 85 food center. I had COS duty on Saturday so I decided to book in the night before. Saturday turned out to be my unit's mobilisation day so it was busy busy / no time to rest. Felt a headache coming on in the afternoon but it got better after I popped a couple of aspirin. Planned to watch the 3rd place play-off between germany and portugal but I couldn't wake up. Was awoken by Papa's SMS from China informing me that Germany had won. Fell back asleep and was awoken at about 6:10am by a call from the COS from the other company. I had totally forgotten about Flag Raising which was supposed to be at 6am.
Left camp around 9am and headed to church where I joined Lynette for prayer. Well, it wasn't much prayer today rather than a discussion about what we're supposed to pray for. Well... My stand is, if there isn't anything specific given by God to pray for, then just pray whats in your heart. And if thats done already, then just speak to God in tongues. I remember Lynette saying to me before, "...many of God's things will come to pass (because of your effort to pray those 15 minutes)"
Worship was nice today. I really liked the music. I could hear people like Gerald and Sam really worshipping with their instruments. I'm sure the rest were doing so too but these 2 really stood out for me. And it covered everything else... there were mistakes but they didn't distract as much. Pastor's sermon was quite Youth centred. It was quite cute as he gave examples of people serving as young as 12 years old. Which was, to me, a way of saying, "Why are you, 16-25 year olds doing sitting around on your bums?!?"
Of course the new 3Gs were a refreshing change from the Go, Grow, Glow of XS...
The altar call was for those considering serving full time. And honestly, I feel that it didn't apply to me because I wouldn't consider doing such a thing. UNLESS God calls me... and for now, the call is to study at RBTC and not to go full time. To me, there is a difference. So I only went up because there was a general call for a blessing. I think there were 4 people who came up to pray for me.
There was Gabriel... with his call for me to sweep aside the distractions in my life. Stanley was praying for me behind me at this time.
Then came Leon. He said something about me being very clear about my purpose and direction. About me and my family having a collective purpose for God. Basically an encouragement to strive on and that I'm doing the right thing I guess.
Pastor came last and gave the similar prophecy about having the anointing to teach. About being able to speak in front of lots of people.
Generally it was an encouragement and nudge in the right direction by God.
Going back to camp seems so redundant now. I was the only specialist from my batch back in camp this week because I was trying to save up my off-days. But it turns out that I have enough already. Even before my PC recommended more off-days to help me clear in August. Thank God for the favour granted to me. I've been really enjoying civilian life. I went to Swee Lee on Saturday to buy drums equipment. There was a 50% sale and when I arrived at Bras Basah Complex at 8:10 am, almost one hour BEFORE opening, there was a long queue snaking round the entire level. At that time there were about 200 people in front of me I think. Queued for 4 hours before I got in. Spent another 4 hours picking out things like drum skins, drumsticks, a metronome, a keyboard some sound equipment and percussion instruments like the congas and cajones. Spent close to $2000 in those 8 hours. Money well spent I hope.
I'm hoping this would improve the quality of worship in church... There're so many aspects to make a worship experience a positive one that I sometimes lose the plot. Its important to remember that so much relies on one's personal time with God. Smith Wigglesworth said, "We have to get to the place where we know that unless we meet face to face with God & get all the crooked places out of our lives, there will be no room for the indwelling power of God."
So there you go...
Extravagant Worship
Isn't it interesting how we so often focus on extravagent worship? On giving our best? On having a spirit of excellence. What a wonderful intent! What a passion and a heart for God! To see our church turned from stagancy to dynamic worship! What a vision, what a dream. So when its time for us to lead worship, we choose songs that we think would really get the church moving and jumping. Just like the ones Hillsongs, Vineyard and City Harvest Church leads...
But there's one problem... We don't have the expertise of the bands that they have. We plan everything nicely but we forget the limitations of our musicians. And this is quite common for churches that work on a volunteer basis. So our music cannot be pulled off the way we want it to and no matter what we do, we cannot get it to sound the way it does on the CD. And so we get discouraged... We start to wonder what went wrong in our preparation. Didn't we pray hard enough? Were there some unconfessed sins? Maybe we weren't living right or missed something that God was trying to tell us. Honestly, it could be any of these things... But one important thing we could take note of is that the music just sounds like crap. People simply cannot worship if they are cringing to an out of tune singer, or instrumentalists playing the wrong notes, or a drummer going out of beat. Its simply distracting.
There are ways to minimise things like these from happening. Knowing what you want to achieve during a practice and communicating it to the band can be really effective. My personal favourite is choosing familiar songs. Although songs can be simple, it really frees up a musician to worship. Personally, I find that its better for the congregation and the musicians to worship without struggling with new chords, melodies or rhythms. Its gets people's focus off the song and onto what really matters. God Himself.
Of course, I'm not saying that we restrict ourselves to the same songs week in, week out. There are times where we can and should inject freshness into a worship set list. But there are limitations to consider. Can the band master the song in one sitting? Can the sound on the CD be recreated by the church band and if it can't will it still minister to the people? Can the congregation get into the song quickly?
There are people who focus too much on the technical aspects of worship. But focusing only on the spiritual aspect of a worship set can turn it into an aural disaster. God's grace and love may cover mistakes but shouldn't it be our jobs to provide a atmosphere of worship? Excellence isn't striving for things we cannot or have not achieved but to give the best of what we have and what we know.
Worship and the Gospel isn't driven by trends and fads. It is driven by the people who love God. Music and methods may change and evolve over the years but at the centre of it all lies a pure simple truth. Its always about who we worship. Everything is done to enhance our worship but never at the expense of our relationship with one another. There is power in worship. But the power overflows from the lives of the composers, lyricists and musicians. The music & worship is only as anointed as the lives of those playing, singing and leading. The worship session will be empty & dead if our relationship with God is empty & dead.
We have strive to improve, of that there is no doubt. But its has to be done during practice. Not during the worship itself. If the song cannot be done comfortably during the single practice that most church bands have, it shouldn't be done at all... The aim isn't to play all the songs that the worship leader prepares. The goal is to usher people into the presence of God. And if that means cutting songs, or people for that matter, it has to be done. Excellence doesn't mean impressing people with skill but giving our all in worship. When we worship while we play, we draw people in to worship WITH us.
| written by daryl - 7 May 2006 |
Booking in to an empty bunk is quite an experience. Its as if you were the only one left after the Rapture. You see helmets on the floor, slippers & boots strewn about, grey army t-shirts and uniform draped over chairs, half empty "subway" cups. You think to yourself, "They must have left in a hurry!!"
Its good to be alone when you're in the right frame of mind. Especially after a weekend with almost every friend you have. So there I was, relaxing in the bunk. Watching "Boston Legal" which, in my opinion, is the coolest & funniest show since Seinfeld. Later I switched over to the World Cup Match between England & Ecuador. It was a typical, uninspired England performance where they struggled to win by that single Beckham goal. It was lights out for me at the final whistle but I found that after I got into bed, I couldn't sleep. I just lay there with my eyes closed but my mind was racing with all the things that I care about. I think it was almost 3am before I dozed off into a dream about me not being able to sleep...
Am I doing what it takes to follow Christ? If it came down to the fact that He wanted me to remain in Singlehood so as to fulfill His plan, would I obey? There are so many things I'm willing to give up... Namely money, time & effort...
"But God!! Isn't it my right to have a partner?"
But God reminds me about all the times that I sing about living for Him. About giving my heart & my soul. Isn't God's promises enough? Its never been about my finding the right one. Its so much more than that. He reminds me that He has the best plan for me but I keep jumping the gun, getting myself hurt and wallowing in a pit that I dig for myself. God reminds me that He has a plan for me. To make me strong emotionally & spiritually. And there is reassurance, peace, joy & strength to overcome everything that stands before me.
~~~ Dusk & Summer ~~~
She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
when the world is hers and she held your eyes
out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer
And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
and she made you better than you'd been before
She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
She said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"
She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
and you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last
But you've already lost
when you only had barely enough of her to hang on
| dashboard confessional |
I have had the most opportunity to blog during the past 2 weeks but the least desire to. I think its because I've been living according to German Time because of the world cup. Its been one heck of a journey. But the bad news is that I haven't been spending ANY time reading the bible or praying so far. Thats not a good thing. So I think this week in camp would be good for me as it'll free me from most distractions I have at home (ie. Computer games, TV). For now its back to camp. I'm hoping I'll be able to get out on wednesday for the Paul Baloche Worship Seminar. I already have the ticket!
People are going to chide me for being like a school girl for what I'm about to write but I feel that I have to write it anyway. There's something oddly reassuring about being with friends. Whether they be from church, school, army or just people you chat with online. What matters the most is that they are around and that they enjoy being in your company and vice versa. Its during these times where they just won't let you feel down or depressed because they are genuine and they let you forget yourself and who you're "supposed" to be. Its people like these who accept you for who you are, forgive you for your mistakes and even use those mistakes to learn and grow. These are the special people and they are the people I love. You guys know who you are.
Thank You Jesus that my future is secure in You. Thank You that all I need to do is to be sure that I'm walking beside You daily. You make me blameless. You make me righteous. You are my hope. Thank You that You turn a blind eye to my worthlessness. I will trust You at ALL times and I will not be moved by people or circumstances. I will be Spiritually, Mentally & Emotionally as well as Physically rooted to You... My rock, my strong tower, my refuge...
Amen.
::: Verse of the Day :::
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
| Psalm 84:11 |
Dear God... I failed again. Intentionally...
Please be patient with me as I keep trying.
I've been thinking about how hopeless a romantic I've made myself become. About how I've idealised having a relationship with someone and how it would make me complete. Well, maybe not complete, because I'm already complete in Christ. But it would fill up something that I feel is lacking in my life. There's the problem summarised in that sentence right there. I feel that there is something I lack and therefore I feel as if I'm incomplete.
There is truth in the fact that I'm alone and the truth is it makes me feel depressed. But there is a deeper truth that I'm pressing in to find. The deeper truth is that I lack nothing. I have all I need in Christ! I have fullness of joy in all circumstances... Not because there are joyful circumstances (sometimes there are!), but because I count it all as joy. The importance is that I rejoice in what matters. That is what builds my faith, that is what destroys the distractions. Its these distractions that hinder prayer. Prayer is effective and powerful. Thats a given. The devil cannot stop the power of prayer but he can distract the person who prays. He can shout lies in your ear so that you don't hear the whispered answers to your prayer. I want to break out of that cycle. I want to be listening to the voice of God instead. I want my relationship with God to be strong and stable.
Joy joy joy... I prayed in tongues on the way to church this morning and I prayed for joy in my life. Because I constantly fall back into the rut of feeling miserable. This morning was especially difficult because I woke up with a thought/dream/idea in my head. That I'd buy her coffee, the type that comes in glass bottles, for her late night studying. And it made so much sense till I started asking myself... Why can't I just leave it be? Its not as if she doesn't know how I feel. Why do I still pursue that wisp of a dream?
Why indeed...
On a brighter note, the world cup has started and I'm enjoying the whole atmosphere of it. It isn't as fun as when church friends used to come over for the big matches but hopefully that can be arranged after the group stages. The irritating thing is that I won't be able to catch the matches on weeknights because I'll be in camp. I'm beginning to get too used to civillian life again. As my ORD date approaches, I begin to feel a sense of muted excitement. As if I'm afraid that something bad might happen before I ORD. Thats always the case with me and I need to learn to stop worrying about this.
Worship practice as usual today... I had slight problems playing one of the songs that Jean wanted. There was a change of rhythm in the song and I had problems getting it right. The problem was that it was a simple change and I knew that it was 'do-able'. Thats the thing about being in band or any group where people must work together. One person or instrument out of tune makes it all sound bad. The thing I have to learn is to be more assertive in playing. I have to be in-time and confident about it.
You were never a mistake...
"The Christian must throw himself - with all the abandon of a perfect, self-emptying faith and a self-consuming zeal - into his work for the salvation of men. Hearty, heroic, compassionate and fearless prayer."
| E.M. Bounds |
God needs us to pray out His will. For things like revival, revelation of the Word and for power to be poured out in the church. A church without prayer will not have any glimpse of divine power. Heights reached without prayer will never rise to the glorious heights that god has planned for us.
John Wesley said:
"Give me one hundred preachers who fear nothing but sin and desire nothing but God and I care not a straw whether they be clergymen or laymen; such alone will shake the gates of hell and set up the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. God does nothing but in answer to prayer."
There seems to be so much potential and power just waiting to be unlocked through prayer. Its like a treasure chest just waiting to be opened. Maybe if I were to start praying like God instructed. A daily thing that would require discipline and order in my life. After all, if anything required my full attention and focus, this would be it. If there was anytime to get serious with God, this would be it.
In Paul's letters to the churches, he keeps saying that he does not stop praying for them. That he prays for them at all times. Thats where the power lies. So few people linger it and thats precisely why so few people experience it. Because we do not dare to take the chance. The sickening mentality that we'll lose out is the very idea that the devil wants us to have. If we look at the apostles, we can see how they laid themselves out in prayer for God's people! How they put God in full force into their churches by their praying. It was the fervor and insistence of their prayer which complemented their passion and made their ministry effective and miraculous.
To keep the physical body healthy, we must feed the body good, healthy food and restrict the intake of things that are harmful to the body. The same rules apply in having a healthy mind and a healthy spirit. We need a steady intake of God's word through prayer & meditation on scripture. This gives the Christian power & authority to take control of his life. In following the example of the apostles, I have decide to implement several rules to discipline myself in prayer. This would be a way of training myself for bible school. Two and a half hours of spending time with God with at least one hour spent in the early hours. This will be the beginning of 'The Prayer Project'.
Paul the Apostle said:
"I care very little if I'm judged by you or any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.
Therefore we wait till the Lord comes... At that time each will receive his praise from God"
| 1 Corinthians 4:3-5 |
A deep lesson can be learnt from this. What people say weighs heavily on me. I used to claim that I didn't care about what people said or thought. But now I realise that they actually do make an impression. As I've mellowed out over the years, I understand that it is important to take into account other people's feelings and their situations. Because what you do & what you say affects others.
Having said that, I feel that I've let myself be carried away by the comments of those around. I mean, who doesn't like to hear a word of praise for a job well done? It is always a welcome thing. But I've become too reliant and desperate for these words of encouragement that it becomes a necessity and takes the place of what I strive for. It becomes the primary goal I lose the anointing because the focus is wrong. It is important to remember that in whatever we do, we only need to please God and to obtain His approval.
~~~ Pearl ~~~
You feel alone, your friends have flown
You're afraid of the truth
When you think of who you are
And who you're meant to be
You cry out to a friend who will understand
The arms of God who can take your hand
And in your darkest fear
A voice whispers in your ear
You are so precious
You are so wondrous
A pearl, once a grain of sand
Held in the Father's hand
Becomes a precious stone
You'll never alone
He can fill your emptiness
He can be your happiness
You are a pearl
| lounge worship 2 |
I'm really looking forward to what life would be after I ORD. Right now, I'm too attached to home and all its luxuries. Had to force myself to go out to meet dennis for lunch this afternoon. Had a nice chat with him over chicken rice that took 20 minutes to arrive. Made our way down to Jean & Natalie Francois' house for some captain's ball training. I didn't actually plan to join in the games cos I still wasn't feeling well but on the spur of the moment, getting sweaty didn't seem like such a bad idea. I daresay that my talent isn't in sports that require me to handle the ball. I still prefer soccer with my whole being. Some of the younglings seem to be pretty good at basketball though.
I have this knack for distancing myself. I don't mind being by myself I guess. I've gotten too used to it. Nights out alone, movies alone, dinner alone. I just find that I get strange looks everytime I say that I prefer to be alone. Friends aren't a bad thing... Just that there are certain factors which I don't know I would how to react to and to prevent awkwardness, I avoid it totally.
Exercise TS starts tomorrow. I'll have to leave after playing for 2nd service. Its not so bad... Last exercise before I ORD. Final burst of fire!!!
~~~ Lines in Sand ~~~
Sometimes a struggle builds you somehow
Tears you down, Leaves you dead
Time will pass, back to life
Hand on Shoulders, Bigger, Better
Sunday night, Tempers flair
Fights erupt and trickle down
Apologies, threats and lies
Backing down, compromise
While this city burns
These wounds will heal
You'll find your way
The lines in sand
Become a proving ground
In time, you'll find
'Who can top who' is their life
Sometimes a struggle leaves you fragile
Shaken up, Shotgun shy
With heartache past, and open eyes
You'll come back stronger, Bigger, Better
Maybe this time, Things will change
Brand new day, Forgive, Forget
Time has past, back to life
Hand on Shoulders, Bigger, Better
Only you with time can define your life,
Only you with time can define your life,
Can define your life, It's yours.
| sparta |
I'm home again. I'm still getting used to blogging again. I sometimes feel so reluctant to write but its a discipline I have to instill in myself. Just like prayer and reading the Word.
Getting called back to camp when you're supposed to be on MC isn't very fun. But I guess it feels good to be needed and it feels good that to some people, you're still of value. I spent most of the day trying to do directory replication. The whole thing was made more complicated because of the state of some of the other unit's servers. Some of the harddisks haven't been reformatted in years making the Operating Systems super laggy. Another new technology that we're aiming to utilise is the V-Sat. Its a marked improvement from the Trunk Communication System which was like using a 28.8 kbps modem to play warcraft 3.
I've made a new promise to God and so far its been going alright. There's so much more to achieve in all this. Praying and growing in my relationship with Him is my number one priority. Not because I'm going to bible school but especially because I'm going to bible school. Its hard to explain. For the past few years, God has been telling me to pray. Time and again, He has said... "Your work is to pray, daryl." I've not been very obedient and I've not grown as much as I could have these 2 years.
I've come to realise that my work to pray was not as a favour to others... or to the church or the pastor. It was for myself as a child of God. For my benefit, my growth, to attain my maturity, to walk out my path. God was telling me that my job was to talk and listen to Him.
Its inexplicable how we are blind to what we have and see only what we lack.
Will coincidences never cease? For the record, I started updating this blog on my own accord and I was not influenced by external factors.
Anyway, I'm on a 2nd day of my 2 day MC and my platoon mates called me to go back to camp to help them with some directory replication. Its a complicated term for a simple task of copying email addresses from one server to another. But apparently, they aren't able to do it because of some complications. I don't know how I can be of help but I guess I'll just have to go all the way back to the west end. I wanted to go see the doctor to get one more day of MC but the clinic is closed till 2pm. I'll just have spend tomorrow in camp I guess.
The characteristic of ALL great men of God is the fact that they spend hours in prayer. I want to spend hours in prayer not because I want to be great. But because I love You. I will start a 6am prayer session from 9 June. The day after the end of 'Exercise TS'. Its a tall order but I have no choice but to take this path. Its all or nothing in following Christ.
Its back to camp for now. See you friday night...
I think I'm going to make my blog available again. Or rather start a new blog that is open to people. I think I need this form of 'exhibitionism' to keep myself accountable. If I have to write about myself, I want to make sure that everything I do is readable to others. For example, if I don't want to embarrass myself about certain shortcomings that I have, I'll just have to solve them or write it down.
It makes life so much simpler doesn't it?
~~~ brightest ~~~
If you find yourself here on my side of town
I'd pray that you'd come to my door
Talk to me like you don't know what we ever fought about
Cause I don't remember anymore
I just know that she warms my heart
And knows where all my imperfections are
And she said that I was the brightest little firefly in her jar
| copeland |
SORRY, WE'RE CLOSED
Well.. This is it. After about 540 posts since January 2003, this blog is finally closed. So long & Goodbye.At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.
| Matthew 11:25 |
Its time for me to be a child again.
According to my Uncle Ronnie, I wrote the letter on the left when I was very young. Sometimes you can't help but smile at the innocence and beauty of it. Remember me...
I'm on the verge of deciding to bring this blog to a close. It has been almost 3 years since I started this journal and I think its time to move on to another aspect of my life. One that is more glorifying to Him. When I started writing, I made a promise to myself that I would put down everything that is on my mind, regardless of what it made people think of me. But lately, I find that I am unable to. Whether its the new issues that have been coming up in my life or the thought of the consequences that I have to bear if I wrote down everything, I don't know.
I've currently started up another blog whose address I will not reveal. Just for my own thoughts where I can deal with the reality of my problems unabashedly. Growth requires change... and change requires sacrifice.
Please remember me.
Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy.
| 1 Peter 1:13-16 |
Verse 13 & 14 says asks us to be different. As Christians, God expects a different way of life. Different from what we used to be like. Whats the use of calling ourselves Christian if we think, speak & act like the world? He has called us to be set apart for Him.
Verses 15 & 16 says we are to be Holy because He is Holy. Because thats the only way we'll be able to relate to Him. The verse quotes a phrase quite commonly used in Leviticus in the old testament. Be Holy for I am Holy. This was God's command to Israel. A nation that God had chosen and set apart from the rest of the world. He had big plans for it and they required higher expectations.
When someone has high expectations of you, in a way it means that that person believes that you have the ability or the potential to reach those expectations. But God is the one who provides the means for us to reach those expectations. Such that we need not be overwhelmed.
Sidenote:Its interesting to read that in Leviticus 19:28, it speaks against having tattoos or cuttings (piercings) of any kind. But in the verse before that, it also speaks against having your hair cut or your beard trimmed.
I've just come to the end of 2 gruelling days of training. ICCT (Intermediate Close Combat Training) has left all of us with many body aches. Its our preparation for our operation at the airport. And as we all know, suffering produces results!
Of the 7 specs from my batch posted here, only 4 of us are left. The ISP trio have moved to bunk with the rest of their platoon mates. We should be moving soon too. I'm left alone in the bunk now cos the rest of them went for nights out. Been feeling kinda melancholic/lonely lately. But its nothing new and nothing that I'm not able to handle.
Living by faith is not something that is unnatural or strange. According to Reinhard Bonnke, it is a coming home to what has been prepared for us since the beginning. God is always with us. All the time! He does not come in gusts, which forces me to rethink the concept of revival. There are no moods for God. (Thankfully!) Revival is constant because He never leaves.
::: Verse of the Day :::
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.
| John 15:16 |
Isn't it amazing how uplifting worship can be? How a song can become more than just the sum of its different parts. Not just the voices & instruments coming together but the intent of the person who wrote the song, the experiences of the people who sing & play it. The sacrifices of time & effort that went into practicing it to make it an acceptable offering to the Lord. Thats why the music never gets boring. Its whats behind the music that counts.
On Sunday, Joe led worship. It was arranged so that there were no pauses between songs. I kinda felt that it was a little bit forced and over-elaborate. I thought he was trying too hard to impress the congregation. And then God rebuked me and made me see that this was Joe's way of worshipping. He showed me that Joe put a lot of effort into preparing it. I was so wrong to have thoughts like that and as soon as I asked God to forgive me, I was tearing and singing my heart out. My flawed judgement almost prevented me from enjoying a beautiful worship!
Acts 10:34-35 says...
Then Peter began to speak: "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right.
But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.
| Jude 20-21 |
Th idea is to persevere...
1. To build myself up in faith
2. By praying in the Holy Spirit
3. And keeping myself in God's Love
Deuteronomy 30: 11-15 says...
"Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?"
Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?"
No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.
Right here, right now...
Sometimes when you're down, the weirdest things make you smile. I used to listen to Korn when I was in poly. Their music was basically dark and angry. The article is kinda long but worth the read...
Guitarist opens up about finding Jesus, helping kids and his solo debut
Storming onto the scene in the mid-Nineties, Korn changed the face of metal with their fierce infusion of rap and alternative rock. After non-stop touring with the likes of Ozzy and Marilyn Manson, the four-piece from Bakersfield, California, steadily built up a hardcore following that eventually earned them six Top Ten albums -- from 1996's Life Is Peachy to 2003's Take a Look in the Mirror -- and ten Top Twenty rock singles.
But last year, while Korn were working on a new record, guitarist Brian "Head" Welch quit, announcing that he had been born again in Jesus Christ. Now Head -- currently at work on his solo debut, Invitations Have Been Sent to All, due next spring, at his new studio in Arizona -- talks about the split with Korn, his battle with drugs and depression, and his reinvention as the "Christian Eminem."
Why did you leave Korn?
When we first started, Korn had power over all of our music and what we said -- the songs are pretty outspoken. Then with the last record, it seemed like everybody shifted from being down with the fans to wanting to make money, and our managers started getting really involved. They were telling us what songs to play -- and, I mean, they manage the Backstreet Boys! They started talking about hiring writers for the new record. I don't know if they did. And I was going, "Dude, this is stupid." I was a part of a band that's known for not selling out, that's written every album with the most heartfelt lyrics -- and now they're changing into a machine. We had a bunch of battles -- three people got kicked out at one time or another -- and my friends weren't even my friends anymore. So I left.
At the same time, I was hooked on drugs so bad -- everybody knows -- and I just didn't care, the last couple of years. I was really into my depression. And I heard my daughter, at five years old, at home singing, "All day I dream about sex" [from the Korn song 'A.D.I.D.A.S.'], and I was like, "I don't want to do this anymore!" I wanted to be a better person.
I found Jesus, and I'm totally healed from drug abuse and alcoholism. I was in my closet doing lines, and I had a bill rolled up, and I stopped and looked at myself. And I said, "Jesus, if you're real, please take this addiction from me. My child lost her mother to drugs -- please give her one parent who's free of this. Please make me want to live." I had a bunch of eightballs, and I threw them away. Rehab didn't work; looking at my daughter didn't help me kick drugs. But I felt like I could do it finally. Miraculously, [the addiction] fell away from me within a week. I started having hope.
What was your relationship to Christianity before?
I wasn't the happiest kid in the world. But when I was thirteen, I was hanging around with this family that was very peaceful -- they hardly ever fought. They told me about Jesus -- and I didn't know who that was, but I knew I wanted what they had. Then I drifted away from them. Puberty hit, and I got into trouble. I started really drinking and partying when I was sixteen.
I have a scripture, Matthew 11:28, on my neck now. It says, basically, "Dump all your problems on me -- your band, your addictions -- and I'm not going to put any guilt on you, or condemn you for your past."
Have your friends in the rock world been supportive? Were some alienated by the change?
I wanted to go and tell the media that I found Christ, and that I'm switching my life from crazy, evil darkness to light. I felt the spirit of God tell me, "You're going to be ridiculed. But never be afraid to claim my name." But I'm so happy, it doesn't matter what people think.
I'm really into learning about the Word and what it says in the Bible. I'd thought that church was just a manmade thing to get people to be goodie-goodies. But it's not about a bunch of rules; it's about the relationships God has with people, and reading about these people doing great things. I said, "I want to walk with You like these Bible heroes." This is like a roller coaster, better than any drug I've ever felt.
How has this affected your day-to-day life?
The first thing that I do when I get up is say "hi" to God. People will think I'm a little out there, because I talk to Him all day, wherever I am. If I go into a grocery store, it's "All right, God, help me pick out the right food so I can be healthy." I just sold my house and moved out of town because I thought God wanted me to move. I sold all my stuff, and I'm home-schooling my daughter with a nice lady. I'm kind of floating around right now.
I heard you went to India recently, to the state of Orissa, to open up an orphanage . . .
My new manager [and producer] Steve Delaportas -- we became partners in Fortitude Entertainment, which has, like, forty-two ministries. We take a salary, but all the profits -- from our film studio, our recording studio, our animation studio -- goes to building orphanages. We're calling them "Head Homes." And we just opened the first one in India. I feel a burden in my heart for the kids -- kids sleeping on the street, kids who we had to save from the brothels.
There's a tribe near there, the Lodha tribe, just a few miles from where we opened the orphanage. They're a cannibal tribe -- the government won't let anyone go out there -- and they asked us to take their kids, too. We went out there, got out of our car, and there were, like, 1,500 cannibals. I just looked right up to the sky and said, "What am I doing here?" But we sent them $7,000 worth of food and started making plans to build them an orphanage.
We're going to open homes in Egypt and Iraq and China, too.
Aside from opening these homes for kids, you decided you would continue making music, right?
At first, I thought I would just fade away and find myself for a few years. But then I felt like He told me, "Go out and use every trick you used with Korn. And not everyone is going to like what you're saying -- especially a lot of church people." I'll probably be, like, the Christian Eminem when the album comes out. My music is melodic and intense and euphoric. A lot of people think I'm going to be all soft, like, [sings in high-pitched choir voice], "Laaaa!" -- but a lot of Christians might think I'm straight from the devil with this music.
What are some of the tracks that might end up on the album?
I got a song, "Loyalty," which is about those [last] days with Korn: "Where did all the loyalty go?" I've got a song about a baby getting aborted, and my voice is the baby's voice, singing to the mommy and asking why she doesn't want to be his mom no more. The chorus is, "Jesus said my soul isn't dead/I'm waiting for you up in heaven." Right now, I'm writing one called "Time to See Religion Die," which is really heavy, and another song about India.
There's an exit from the anger tunnel that I was caught in for all those years in Korn. There's just so much hope in the music, but it's not lacking the heaviness that I've had in the past. Korn is about screaming out for love, about being an outcast -- but anger just beats you down into the ground. What we're missing is God, and He's not who we think He is. I used to believe that [God] was all those people pointing their fingers, saying, "You're going to hell!" Now I think those guys are in trouble. [God] loves us, and He's there to say, "Man, it's OK, no matter what you've done." It's cool to be able to tell kids that. That's what the title of the album's about: Invitations Have Been Sent to All.
You know, man, all the money that's gonna come from the music is going to help these kids all over the world. I don't need a Bentley anymore. I don't want stuff; I want the world to change. I've lived for me for too long.
Some words...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I try to make sense of this with my troubled mind.
But confusion overwhelms
There's no sense in taking the time
to fight this alone.
The struggle alone seems endless
But its something that we must do
Today I set my priorities
and tomorrow I let them go
Teach me victory
As if I cannot experience it
Show me righteousness
And I'll get my mind around it
Explain what love is once more
And maybe I'll understand
Its with your beautiful grace
That you hold my hand
Failure doesn't end the fight
It simply pushes you on
Knowing that on that glorious day
We'll be singing victory songs
Its not by might, not by power
its pointless to deny
By the Spirit of God
We set our hopes up high
I long for more of you Jesus
Not for the things of this world
I know you have the best in mind
Of treasures that are real
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Waffles & Spaghetti is finally over! What a relief! Haha... There's been so many things on my mind this week and I was really stressing myself out with all these things. But God as usual has been faithful in keeping me under his wing. Even when I was beginning to lose faith or where I didn't have any at all. There is something important to be learnt here today. I could have improved the program scheduling a little bit. But I think the whole thing went pretty well. I have Stanley to thank for the excellent discussion session that we had. Although we went past the alotted time, there were no complaints because most of them were learning quite a lot. And we still managed to start the BBQ keep the guys happy. Thanks to Super-Mom for the wonderful Bee Hoon, Chicken Curry and marinated chicken. Mark also was cool to hang out with, helping me shop for the food. Dennis for starting the fire in record time. Ezra the cook made sure our chicken was thoroughly cooked. (too soon to say?)
I learnt something today... I'm not the type who works very well under pressure. I need space to think and decide. Ok, maybe its not that I don't work well but rather I work differently. Probably one of the reasons why I didn't get into OCS back in BMT. But thats just digging up the past. I'm the type of guy who likes to do one thing at a time. So that I can focus on it and do it the best I can.
Worship today was good... Or so they tell me. I was very disappointed with the way I played today. I need so much more practice.
Just got back from an hour of street soccer downstairs... Quite fun mixing with some of the guys from my estate. Most of them seem to be much younger though. But soccer is soccer yah?
Gotta book in later tonight. The book-in syndrome is here...
I don't like it.
This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.
| 2 Corinthians 9:12 |
What I am and what I give to Him doesn't just affect me. Yes its true that when I give all I have in service to Him, it comes back to me. And it gives glory to God. I don't know about what other people think, but I feel that God's idea of quality of service isn't the same as the one that we have. God's idea isn't based on the quality of the outcome. Its based on the quality of the heart. We keep forgetting that the quality of the outcome is handled by God.
In other words, I am putting too much effort in the wrong channel.
You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
| 2 Corinthians 9:11 |
We've got to learn to give before we can be rich. Why do we hoard our money, talents and time if its meant to be given away anyway? This isn't easy for me to choose this path. Not with all the ridicule around the corner. Not when people will take you for some bum... Not easy at all.
But I will be rich.
I'm kinda tired now. Only slept 3 hours last night after waiting for Elissa and walking her home from her first day at work. Jeremy & Xiong left at around 12am. I reached home only at 3am. Elissa and I talked last night and it seems that things aren't going to work out. Whether its just for now or forever, by choice or by circumstance, I don't know. I was so frustrated last night but I've got no reason to complain. This whole thing was self-inflicted anyway.
There are probably a lot of people who don't have a very good impression of me because of our history. I didn't do some things very admirably and I got some bad rep... And being the non-confrontationalist, I laid low, remainded quiet and probably compounded my troubles.
Part of me knows this is the right thing to do. But the other half of me is screaming...
Happy October!! I've been wasting my life away being on course here in Singapore Polytechnic. This is my 2nd time being on course, the first time when I was in SI (Signal Institute). The first 3 days were spent listening to super simple IT stuff which I've heard so many times before. Today, we're learning how to scan, track & hack unsecure computers. I have no interest in learning all this crap... Teach me the preventive measures man! Haha... I'm just being super lazy these few days. The days are way too long. 8am to 5pm listening to lecturers.
I'm trying hard to get my life back. I see what I'll be missing out if I continue like this. I know exactly whats wrong. I know exactly what to do. But let me do it by myself. Let me fight this my way. Don't keep telling me whats wrong and what I should do. Its not making it any better. I want to do this on my own. I've lost that sense of ownership. Is it because of pride? That I think that I've built up what I have become on my own? Whatever happened to relying on Him for every little thing? Why do I want to be proud of my talents? Honestly, what talents do I have? Nothing that is good enough for anyone else! I've been finding it hard to play for worship. I keep feeling that I'm not good enough.
Class just ended... Time to go home. I'll think more about this on the way home.
Worship was fun today... After so many weeks of dull monotonous worship sessions, I finally find joy in serving again. I love to play for Him... I love to make beautiful music and give my best to Him. Its just that I haven't been the best spiritual state for the past few months. And now, coming back to Him reminds me of what I've been missing. I overheard some new-comers say that the worship was very good. It makes me happy that I can play music to help people come into the presence of God.
::: Word of the Day :::
carte blanche (noun.)(French)
Unrestricted power to act at one's own discretion; unconditional authority: gave the contractor carte blanche to modernize the kitchen
It leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. I don't feel motivated enough to do anything. I haven't had breakfast or lunch even. Whats wrong with me? I want to get right with God. But the thought of it... repels me. I'm shocked too but it does. Dear God... Have I fallen so far? Am I so proud that I would not crawl back to you? Dare I show my indignation? God... I need to run away. Just for awhile. Just for a couple of days. God, I wanna run away with you.
::: Song of the Day :::
In my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
how long must you wait for it?
how long must you pay for it?
I was scared
Tired and under prepared
But I wait for it
And if you go
Leave me down here on my own
Then I'll wait for you
Sing it please, please, please
Come back and sing to me
To me
| coldplay - in my place |
Try this...
If there were a thousand men standing in a circle, and they were given a single gun with unlimited ammo. The first man would shoot the second man and then pass the gun to the third man. The third man would then shoot the fourth man and pass the gun to the fifth man. If this was to continue on and on in a circle, who would be the last man standing?
Its not as easy as it looks. After a few rounds the pattern changes and you start to get confused. Leave a comment with the formula if you can figure out the answer. =) Lissa was asking us (Lynette, Dale & myself) during the reunion dinner just now. We spent the next 45 minutes trying to figure it out. We know the concept of it but we can't get the formula down. Wahaha...
I'm struggling with myself about the change. I'm having 'mood swings'. Sometimes I feel like I can & should do it. But at other times, I feel like I can't carry on. This path cannot be journeyed alone.
My mind and my heart are out of sync... I don't think its possible for me to keep it up. I can't keep giving if my actions are not reciprocated. I desperately want to. But I can't. It just feels like I'm being taken advantage of.
I'm reminded of what my mom told me a couple of years ago. About a dream that my aunt had about me. She said that in her dream she saw me being stepped on by numerous people. Maybe I should be more assertive. But I find that I don't have the right to be assertive if I'm not entirely right. I don't like the feeling when people become defensive and shoot back at me for my flaws. So I remain uninvolved at times when I should speak out.
3 years ago, I changed because I was forced to. I think its time I carried on. Its time for another change. Its time to grow up.
There's no more trying tonight
I'm halfway through the two strenuous weeks of exercises. I managed to survive Exercise DiamondLink & the Army Half Marathon. It was a Half Half Marathon for me. I only ran 12 km. I don't think I could have made it if I had to run 21km. Missing all those Battalion Runs wasn't such a good idea after all. I managed to complete the stupid run in 1 and a half hours. Not fantastic. Especially when you compare it to the Kenyan looking guy who came in first in the competitive 21km run. I think his timing was about 1 hour and 10 minutes. Thats so fast, I can't even imagine it.
Had a talk with the cell (ie. Jeremy and Alicia) last night over a wonderful supper at Blooie's. I'm so relieved that they understood my situation and my busy schedule. They even offered to help out if they could. Thank God for that.
This coming week would be a slightly easier one. I get to stay out this entire week. I'm attached to the IKC2 showcase at Stagmont camp. Praying for good weather. I don't want to be baked in the parade square.
2 hectic weeks coming up. God help me.
My body is failing me. I have to rely on God.
But I'm not connecting to God.
So its becoming a vicious cycle.
I will rely on You because no one else seems to care.
I can't live like this.
I can't balance NS & Church.
(Or rather I can't be so involved.)
And I can't drop NS.
What do I do now?
I'm having nights out and I'm at Jurong Point now. We just ended an exercise and I'm so tired that I could lie down and sleep now. But I felt that I just needed to get out of camp. I'm sitting at MosBurger looking over at KFC and I just saw this guy go up to the salesgirl of the KFC ice-cream counter and ask for her number. Surprisingly, she gave it to him. I could never do something like that. You could say that its because I don't have the guts. I choose to believe that its not my style.
So anyway, because of the recent buzz of activity, I haven't had time to spend quality time with God or even to update this blog. But I am working on it!
Charis had a match on Sunday with MPCC. Having not played soccer for more than a month, we were desperately lacking in match fitness and basic ball control. Our weak point, the center of midfield was even worse than usual! Every goal kick that we had ended up with the opponents and every time we moved forward to attack, we would be cut down before we reached their penalty area. We were 1-0 down at halftime because of what I thought was a poor decision by the referee. I was trying to intercept the ball from this guy in midfield. It was a waist high pass to him and while I was jumping to meet the ball with my foot, I felt him push me such that the ball went between my legs. This allowed him a free run on goal and the assist. There were also the crazy tackles from behind which went unpunished.
In the second half, I put 5 men in midfield but we still couldn't hold the shape. We let in the second goal from a downward header. I managed to pull back one from long distance in the middle of their half but although it was a beautiful goal, we couldn't push for the equaliser. Their striker managed to dribble past 2 of our players to score their third goal.
The guy who asked for the KFC girl's number is now smsing and she is replying from her counter. They are barely 5 metres from each other... (-_-)
I just bought 2 new books. 'Tuesdays with Morrie' & 'The 5 People You Meet in Heaven'. I'm so broke now. I'm still waiting for my reimbursement for the drum skins from church.
::: Song of the Day :::
If you'd like to walk a while
We could waste the day
Follow me into the trees
I will lead the way
Bring some change up to the bridge
Bring some alcohol
There we'll make a final wish
Just before the fall
Promise I will be forever yours
Promise not to say another word
(Here forever deep beneath the dirt)
Nevermind whats done is done
Always was a lucky one
Watch the sunrise all alone
Sitting on the tracks
Hear the train come roaring in
Never coming back
Laying quiet in the grass
Everything is still
River stones and broken bones
Scattered on the hill
| foo fighters - still |
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